the mortality of one’s heart 

has clouded my thought space 

for as long as babies have been born 

and adults have lived unhappy lives

as long as boys have kissed the necks of girls and

forced their way between their thighs

that is where i was at—the last time i died

 

i was known to be reborn 

on a cold summer day

where up meant down

and yes meant nay

this love is backwards

 

the devil whispered rumors

that a man could save me
take me away from my own reality

the one that lives between my legs

on top of my breasts 

in the crevices of my ears and neck 

 

but every time i try

to love a man beyond his years

he hurdles me right back

into this cycle of mortality 

this love is inevitable 

 

i will live a million lives 

and kiss a million moments in time
they will make love to my body 

as each clock strikes a new hour

 

holding onto leaves in the winter

kissing snowflakes in the fall

our love is backwards

in the way that time cannot travel

but can destroy itself

 

this love is backwards

and filled with confusion

yet and still i cannot imagine

living in a world with you 

that is clockwise

 

   at 1pm you loved me

until 3:30 you held my heart

   and return to life lived

at 3:33 you loosened your grip

   i then met you again 

at 5:20 i prayed to God 

 

minutes

hours

days 

 

had gone by when she heard me

have gone by, you have yet to leave me

 

when lovestruck 

11:11 

and made its way to 

midnight

the hour of 12 

is what you’ll have left me in

 

draped in a gown cut 

from the cloth of the midnight sky

in a casket woven from the stars
under which we first met

mortality has found its way 

inside of me once again 

 

but this where i detach

this is not where i die