this morning, i watched the sunrise
and it reminded me how i felt the first time i saw that crooked smile
nervous, but comfortable—tired, but overjoyed..
i mean we were out till 3 in the morning & my bedtime was 11pm
but when i woke up i still felt well rested because baby you had me daydreaming in the nighttime
thinkin about what our kids would look like and thinkin about what jobs we would have and thinkin about what if we don’t even work out..

but nevermind that, i wasn’t even really thinkin bout that.
i was thinkin about the love you gave me—how you gave me love without knowing if you even loved me
and how i had a hard time giving love but you made it come so easy
and im sorry that i didn’t always accept your kisses in public.

see, baby i ain’t never been loved with the blinds open.
i held hands in the dark and stood abnormally close like cups in a kitchen cabinet with my lovers just to create some form of intimacy

i was thinkin about how you talk to me and not through me
and how when you move through me you me you move smoothly
and how you do that thing with your tongue that makes me lose it..
and i still think about you.

i think about how you deflowered me 2 days ago and set the garden which is my body on fire & now we’re not even talkin
and the whole time we did it there was nothing but talkin
you asked me was i okay, did it hurt, did i want you stop

and when i said yes i didn’t know you could mean our external relations
because now when i see you im thinkin about how much i wanna throw up
and how angry i should be at you but for some reason i aint
thinkin about how we never really fell out
so should i give you back your things or just let this ride out?

im thinkin about...if you’re thinkin about me this much
because i’ve got your pictures on my wall and im thinkin about how badly i wanna text you and think about what to say and
im thinkin all the wrong things like, what if you decided to stay...

and im thinkin about all these things and how i want you with me but at the end of the day life don’t give a damn what i want..and it sure dont give a damn what im thinkin about.